Self Hatred is perpetual?

A lot of people talk about self doubt. A lot of people talk about how we should overcome this self doubt. Self doubt makes you think if you’re better than others. Are you deserving of this? Would you able to do this?

But what you know you can’t do this? What if everyday you get up and know, for absolute sense, that you are not better than others? What if we don’t want to get up after falling down because we know we’ll fall down again? Why do people not discuss that?

Self hatred eats you up, and the hollow part that is left after this hates themselves for being this hollow. Self hates , sometimes, stays there perpetually. That hollow , light portion becomes heavier every time you want to wake up from bed. So you sleep. It eats you up more thinking that you are a failure. You sleep more. More hollowness. You try to get away from bed but you can’t. That hollow portion is heavier now.

Sometimes I think , self hatred doesn’t come in gaps between our good days but vise versa. And maybe I’ll spend my entire life hating myself with a few bouts of self praising.